It has taken me 51 years, yet this morning, while making my coffee, it occurred to me.
Women leave.
Well, all women leave, unless a man is truly lucky, and finds one special one that stays. This is based not only on my own experience, but also on some research I found somewhere that indicated that women initiate breakups almost 90% of the time!
So it's not just me that thinks this.
Most men know this, but can't seem to articulate it.
Let's face it. Mom leaves eventually through the doorway called death. That is probably the most natural, and actually acceptable (meaning least painful) method. We mourn, we grieve, and then life continues.Usually it doesn't take years. Sure, there's a small spot of scar tissue, but it's very tiny. We knew it would happen, we dealt with it, and occassionally we get melancholy about it.
Ex's, whether ex-girlfriends, fiance's, wives, or even friends, on the other hand, are different. First off they aren't dead (usually). If they are, there is some closure there. You never have to awkwardly run into them in the Safeway with their new S/O, reopening the wound.
And yes, friends are in this category. They, too, eventually leave. They may protest that they won't. But, the truth is, that once they find that special someone, they will be gone. It might take a while, but they will eventually drift off, if not downright leave. If not under their own power, then the persuasion of the new S/O will pull them away.
After all, as a man, I know that most of us aren't secure enough in a relationship with a woman to be comfortable with her having men friends. Why? because we, as men, know what is going on in the minds of other men! (Trust me, I know you women know what's going on in there, too!) Sure, we can be the most loving, doting, capable, manly man there is, and yet, there is always that temptation of forbidden fruit. For both the S/O and the man "friend"
Oh sure, we might "stay in touch", occassionally sending emails back and forth. But the reality is that we will drift apart. Yes, we will still say that we are "friends", but the reality is that we won't know much more that is deeper than "how are the kids doing?" After all, we are supposed to save that kind intimacy for our S/O.
So, the only real way to stay friends with a woman, is to actually be her S/O. And even that is dicey (see the research about breakups). Which means that you can have many women acquaintances, but only one really true friend that is a woman, if you are truly fortunate
There are very few women in this world that I would trust, as my S/O, to have other men friends (only one comes to mind, at the moment). Close men friends, that is. Because it is my experience that women leave. I admit it - we men, we need women. They bring something to our world, our lives that we can't get from any other source, and I'm not just talking about the pain of them leaving. Sadly, we have to have so many of them leave before we find one that will bind those wounds, and apply the salve of love and understanding to our injuries, and the healing affections that bring hope and joy to our otherwise lackluster existance and stay.
Sadly, all women leave at some point.
So what brought this on this morning, I can hear some of you asking. Well, yesterday, I finally managed to reach a "friend" of mine that I hadn't heard from in quite some time. Yes, a female friend.
Well, she has a new boyfriend, and they are busy building their relationship, which is why she hadn't written, etc... Closing her email with "... stay in touch, would you?" just hit me as odd, since I was the one that had been IMing, and emailing to find out what was up.
This got me to thinking.
Over the years, I have had many friends, some of them women, some of them men, and some of the women friends did turn into girlfriends for a time. But all of them, all of the women, have drifted away - they've all left. Only one from a long time ago still maintains any kind of communication, and that isn't that much either. She has her husband and family, and is enjoying her life. Not that I blame her one bit, it's just part of this observation.
One other, is a very close friend. The only one I've ever known that I would really trust with having single men friends.
And of course, the one mentioned above, that is ... er was uninvolved, until recently. I hope I'm wrong on that one, but all I have to go on is my experience
They all pull away eventually - or push you away. For one reason or another.
Now some might read this and think I am bitter. No, in general, I don't think I am. In certain specific instances, yes. I am bitter - very much so. That's because the way in which the leaving took place, was a bitter pill to take. But that is off the point of this entry.
I would bet, that if you surveyed men in general, you would find (if they gave honest, thoughtful answers), that they all know this fact - Women leave. Sometimes in the most spectacular way, and when you least expect it.
I would wish and hope that every man find that one that doesn't leave - that one that sooths the soul within tortured from all the others leaving just by her being, and that she doesn't leave. A veritable Florence Nightengale for the heart. Yet I know that many are despairing of this. They are living their lives of quiet desparation, continuing to risk their heart time and again in the effort to find that one; continually exposing it to the tortures of rejection.
No wonder the statement was made, "Faint heart ne're wan a lady faire"
|
